Hollow Logick - Mental Illness Lyrics

      

Mental Illness
by Hollow Logick

Verse 1
I wake up sweating, hearing voices in the ceiling fan
Talking like they know me like they hold up my life in their hands
Bottle by the bedside, script bottle on the dresser
Don't need a priest, I need peace but these pills feel lesser
Thoughts scattered like a coke bag, dropped in the wind
I ain't slept in three days I just pace, and pretend
Like I'm normal, like I'm sane but my mirror cracking back
See a demon in rеflection and he's smiling when I snap
Try to trust thе therapist, she said talk about your dad
I said"Bitch, he beat the soul out of me" Now I'm permanently mad
Numb to the love, get high off aggression
Cut my wrist just to feel a connection, that's my confession
Voices louder when I'm sober, paranoia like a friend
Told me not to trust my homie, so I stabbed him in the den
Now I'm sitting with the shakes, blood stained, and guilt flooded
But my mind said he was scheming, shit, maybe I wasn't bugging
Two of me in one body like who the fuck do I listen to
One screaming kill em' all, the other praying I ain't missing you
Fist to the mirror, glass in my gums like it's Winter Soup
Dripping blood, and spitting truth, trauma got me pigeon toed, twisted views
100 missed calls from a therapist I never knew
Mama cried daily pills in the pantry what else is new?
They said I need a purpose, I said I need a burner
Only time I felt calm is when the needle hits the surface
Dreams full of sirens, still I never feel nervous
I just laugh at the panic, pain built my furnace
Flashbacks vivid sweat, cold hands shaking
Every hug I ever got turn to hands taking
Mind racing, body frozen, thoughts breaking
I could have been a doctor, now I'm stuck pill chasing
Yelling at my shadow like it's someone I could strangle
Paranoia heavy seeing shapes from every angle
Hallucinate my father telling me I'm just a burden
He ain't even dead but in my head he always cursing
I'm scratching at my skin like there's voices in the nerves
But the pain makes sense when your whole soul's burned
They say healing takes time, what if time just swerves
What if time don't come, and the reaper goes first
I was never that kid with the chain, or the curls
Just a face in the back, with a brain full of swirls
Now I'm grown, and alone, and the rage still unfurled
Tell me how the fuck I'm supposed to fit in this world
They don't talk about the nights when you scream in your sleep
When the body's on E, and the high's too steep
I don't need no peace, I need a reason not to bleed
I don't want to die, but I don't want to breathe
I need clarity, not charity, I've been battling ghosts in the dark with no strategy
Voice in my head said, murder is the remedy
Voice in my chest said, maybe that's the enemy
But it's hard to pick sides, when the sky looks red
And your soul feel numb, but your mind won't rest
So, I write till I crack with a blade on a desk
That's the price for the truth, when it lives in your flesh
Lives in your flesh... Lives in your flesh...
Lives in your flesh...